I just watched this video and, because I’m cheesy, I started crying. However, I really like this idea.
Every relationship I’ve ever been in, I’ve loved. I don’t love easily, and when I find someone that I click with, I give myself entirely over to it. This has hurt me greatly in the past, but it has also forged what has become of me today…
Who I loved I met later in my relationship cycle. When I first met him, I was shocked by how much we had in common and how beautiful he was on the inside. I had never connected with someone so deeply, and it was probably the first truly soulful love I’d ever had. It touched me deep inside. It was the first time I ever loved someone for their heart as much for the person they were on the outside. It opened my eyes to a different side of love that made me realize I could love with my heart as much as my body.
What I loved was a boy I knew in highschool. He was tall and handsome and I thought we were soulmates. Everything between us seemed to be aligned, and he was my best friend for a long time. I loved the long nights we spent just talking and the adventures we took together. It, like the video says about his young love, was exciting and raw. Everything I was feeling was passionate to the point of hurting.
Where I loved was someone else I knew as a teenager. I loved him because of the warm summer nights we spent. I loved him because he smelled of honeysuckles and boy. He was a giant field in the middle of nowhere. He was jumping off logs into the river. He was everything stupid and reckless and was life exactly as it should have been.
When I loved was when I didn’t feel loved by anything. He found me at a point in my life where the message I had given myself was I couldn’t be lovable. He opened me back up the an idea that I didn’t think ever possible. He found me at exactly the right moment that I needed him. He propelled me forward to do things that I never would have alone, and turned my life into a completely different and crazy direction.
Why I loved was just as much as why I hurt. For a long time, the two were not mutually exclusive. But why I loved was because I had so much energy, so much passion that just needed a place to go. Why I loved was because it made no sense, and that’s what I needed at the time. Why was a boy that I had known for a long time before we ended up being together. He pushed me into maturity, and the main reason WHY I loved him was because I needed to at that moment in time, to even be able to get to this moment in time.
And that brings us to “The Last”…
While I wish I knew with 100% certain that boyfriend was going to be “The Last”, I do not know that. What I do know though is that he is the who, what, where, when, and why of how I love.
Who I love is his kind and generous nature…
What I love is his stability and loyalty to those he considers important…
Where I love is the warmth a genuine smile from him puts in me…
When I love him is when he doesn’t expect that I do…when he’s goofy or open to the point of vulnerability…
And why I love him is because he answers that question. He is the response I’ve been looking for.
Offering the keys to a ‘shiny new Austrailia” didn’t even work for Neil Patrick Harris, and it’ll be even creepier if you do it…
Well hey there, readers! This evening marks the beginning of Purim! For those unfamiliar with this Jewish holiday, here’s the rundown:
The Book of Esther tells a story of how a mean, old nasty, vizier, named Haman, wanted to destroy all Jewish people who lived in his kingdom.
I guess the King didn’t think much of wriping out an entire race because his reaction was pretty much, “Yeah, whatev’s.”
Haman decides to cast lots to determine which day he would carry this out. It’s too hard to plot that crap out. Genocide is a lot of work as it is. Incidentally, lots were called ‘Purim’, and that’s where the holiday gets it’s name.
Well, a guy named Mordecai, who I’m pretty sure was super hot, discovers Haman’s plan. He tells it to the queen, Esther. Esther is Jewish, so she’s all, “Aw, hell no.” Through trickery and a couple of tasty banquets, Esther reveals that she is Jewish in front of everyone.
The King, who, I guess, never had this talk with his wife before, was all, “WTF?!?” and decides to kill Haman instead. Poetic justice is served, as the King hangs Haman on the gallows he build for our sexy,sexy hero, Mordecai.
For the whole abridged story, check out the article on the Book of Esther on Wikipedia. If you’re really super curious, check out the Book of Esther itself.
Common observances on Purim include reading the Book of Esther, giving others food gifts, being charitable to the needy, and a festival meal! At this festive meal you are encouraged to dress up and make all sorts of noise, also get drunk. The holiday is sometimes known as “Jewish Halloween”, but there’s really not a whole lot of similarity outside the encouragement to wear costumes.
Tradition also includes making hamantaschen!!
These hamantaschen are meant to represent the fall of Haman, and either symbolize his ear or his hat, depending on who you ask. However, hamantaschen don’t have to be just for Purim! On days other than Purim, imagine they are Romulan ears and you’ve just saved the Enterprise from yet ANOTHER takeover. Go you! Carry that feeling with you, and you’ll be in the spirit of Purim!
TLDR: Haman tried to kill all the Jewish people in his kingdom. The Jews went, “LOL!!!!” We now eat cookies shaped like his ear/hat. Romulans suck!
Now that’s out of way, let’s get to the fun stuff! I am not much of a chef, which is why I have an Elder god that helps me bake. One of my biggest downfalls in baking is that I’m impatient, especially when I’m waiting for something as tasty as hamantaschen,
I want the recipe done yesterday! So my friend helped me come up with this recipe a few years ago and it has been my default hamantaschen recipe ever since.
Most Jewish grandmothers won’t agree with my method, but it gets the cookie out of the stove and into your mouth much faster!
So without further adieu, here is Cthulhu Cooks with the laziest hamantaschen recipe you will ever see!
Components of your Concoction:
- Pre-made minion dough(it’s actually pie crust)
- Whatever flavor pie filling/almond paste/shenangians you want to put in your hamantaschen. Pictured are lemon curd and strawberry, but you can use whatever makes you happy!
- Preheat your cooking contraption to 450°
- Find a flat surface to work on and roll out your tasty minion dough.
- Find a shapely container that will leave you with a tiny circle cut-out.
- Make as many cut outs as you want cookies.
- Place on greased cookie pan and stop to make jokes about how you made a face in the dough.
- Fill, but don’t over fill, with your filling of choice.
- Don’t be afraid to get creative!
- Fold them into tri-corner hat shapes(or vaginas) by squeezing into a triangle shape.
- Laugh as your roommates get increasingly pissed that they cannot eat the hamantaschen!
- After all that is done, place your hamantaschen into your cooking contraption for approximately 10 minutes.
- Enjoy a beer while you wait! It’s Purim after all!
- Take them out and let them cool!
- No really, let them cool!
- Don’t stick it into your mouth right away! That pie filling is hot!
- Stop, stop, stop! I SAID LET IT COOL!
- Dumb ass.
- Share with friends and your grandma! Bask in glory as they are impressed by your lazy hamantaschen!
Rating: Fit for my tentacles!!
You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I’ll rise.
Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
‘Cause I walk like I’ve got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.
Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I’ll rise.
Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops.
Weakened by my soulful cries.
Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don’t you take it awful hard
‘Cause I laugh like I’ve got gold mines
Diggin’ in my own back yard.
You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I’ll rise.
Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I’ve got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?
Out of the huts of history’s shame
Up from a past that’s rooted in pain
I’m a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.
Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
Into a daybreak that’s wondrously clear
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
Like a bruise.
Like the ones your mouth left on my neck and shoulders with its lustful pressure.
Your teeth, which brought moments of bright pain/pleasure,
Are now bared in an artificial, animal smile.
Your lips, which parted to taste my skin like it was salvation,
Barely part now to speak to me.
You whispered my name like a prayer.
You screamed it like a curse.
You sighed it in contentment,
And now you won’t even speak it in passing.
Your hands, which half-playfully pulled my hair…
Now won’t pause to brush it from my face.
All these parts of you,
None more telling than your eyes.
Those new windows, which once let me pry…
Now have blinds drawn tight behind them,
Leaving only a pretty, shiny reflection-
A passing, glancing imitation-
Of the passion they once held
When they beheld
No color left to them but the muddy colors of
And possibly mistrust.
Like a bruise.
Like the one you left on my mind with your brilliant conversation
And beautiful, rusty prose.
Like the many you left on my tongue…
Which now can speak nothing but trite and meaningless words,
Which now can barely remember the shapes
Of all the shimmering, liquid phrases it spoke to you
That seemed so important at the time.
Like a bruise.
Once lover and friend,
Now barely one
And never the other again.
Hello Earthlings! Today we are going to make a dessert! It’s a gooey, ooey, chocolate-y s’mores mess, but so simple to make! Let the elder god teach you a thing or two about marshmallows and how to use them!
Components of your Concoction:
- 1 pouch of sugar cookie mix
- 1 cup graham cracker crumbs
- 1 cup butter(or the fake stuff), melted
- 3 cups milk chocolate chips(milk, not that semi-sweet nonsense!)
- 4 1/2 cups mini marshmallows(just use the bag and save what’s left for hot chocolate!)
- Make your oven exactly 375°.
- Plop your cookie dough into a bowl.
- Retrieve graham crackers and hammer.
- Smash graham crackers into a fine small pieces.
- Mix it in a bowl with the cookie dough, then add the melted butter.
- Press into an ungreased 13×9 pan and bake for 18-20 minutes until you have a slightly browned, giant graham cracker-y cookie.
- Quickly add the chocolate chips and spread the melt-y goodness all over your giant cookie.
- After that, pour over your marshmallows and turn your oven to broil. Leave it in for 10-20 seconds, watching it because it will burn fast!
- Take it out and let cool! You have toasty marshmallow s’mores bars! Share with friends if you have them, and if not, you have something chocolately and gooey to get you by!
Original recipe can be found here!